Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she woke up with a sticky ear
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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