Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
