u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
