I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
