Midget sex pt 2 tonight
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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