Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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