we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
