FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
