That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
be right there i have to get my cape
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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