Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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