omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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