My brain says no but my pants say off.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
