I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
