just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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