i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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