OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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