just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
