4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
