Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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