I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
