then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
