and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
