you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Drunk is not a location!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
