What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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