Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
