Don't you send me to vm
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
