I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
