She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
