I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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