i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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