so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
