Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
