She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
