Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
