I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
