got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
