Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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