...so i touched it.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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