whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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