I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
