I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I am naked and annoyed.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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