you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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