my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
