He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
