i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Randomize
