I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
