so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
