I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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