it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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