I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
How naked do you want me to be?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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