She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
