So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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