You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
