You work out of a Hotel?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
