My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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