just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
