so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
