my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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