it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
