i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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