I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
