All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
