woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
