I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
